Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Remembering the Rembrandts

I never had to face so much touble in deciding how to kill time. The evenings are egregiously big here. Sun never sets before 7.20 and I am having a kinda Al Pacino de la 'insomnia' syndrome while coping up with the changed schedule. I drink numerous cups of coffee/ tea in office, do nothing throughout the day except for reading movie quotes in imdb and waiting breathlessly for the watch to strike 6.30 and when it actually does, i am ecstatic for a moment or two before realizing the gruesome fact that : I'VE NOTHING TO DO. Take for instance yesterday. I started for my PG with Karan (who's my Welingkarite colleague here) but on the way I felt like i m marching towards my doom and thus I took his leave, left the main road for an insignificant boulevard and started walking aimlessly wondering how the story of my entire life is getting a materialistic reflection in my days here. Talking to my mom generally helps but her suggestion of attending "art of life" (which i refer to adding an extra f ) did nothing but making me even more insane. Thus I got into a bus and when i got down in swargate (which is one of the most important bus-stops here) , I felt like I've been time lifted to 1940s as the ghostly buildings , with their lights being turned off at 7.45 pm , looked like they are anticipating a Japanese bomb attack . And the entire atmosphere was stuffy and almost smelled like gun powder and it somehow clouded my vision. For the next 1 and a half hour I walked all the way to Pune Railway Station and even though I tried to encourage myself by uttering many a movie quotes and humming death metals ; that couldn't save me from embarrassing myself in public and all I could remember was the Friend's title track and suddenly i realized far from creating love or affection : distance ruins all emotions. Thus none of my old friends are now as close as they used to be when we used to kill our time together in nandan or mohar kunja with endless crazy discussions and observations. Talks over phn or voice chats can never replace those days. The fact that i could not contact my ex-best good friend even aggravated my vulnerability. And then i realized that this is the 1st time in my life that i m totally alone and on my own. When i stayed in B'lore some friends were always there. And when most of them went home in Diwali , I was suffering from the same kind of emotional asphyxiation. Thus at the end of the day, I guess i just need some Homo Sapiense. Doesn't mater if they understand me or not , if they care to listen to me or not : even if they are actually mere primates in the body of  human beings ; I feel better when i am surrounded by some people who are at least my acquaintances. As Mr Donne said : "No man is an island". But then it's not that I always crave for company of people i know. Generally, I am a talking machine and I never faced problem in starting discussions with even complete strangers. But yesterday was one of the emotional 'bad hair day' of my life: a day where no hair gel or innovative hairstyle can arrange ur messy mane. I jsut hope my 2months' stay here wont be replete with such days. Or else, i'd surely go insane!!!

1 comment:

Ceaser said...

Life is strange....isn't it???

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