Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Wee Student Warranty Scheme (WS^2) : A Story

Disclaimer This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents  are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, or organizations; living or dead, in business or bankrupt , is entirely coincidental.

How many layers of baggage does an individual carry with herself? John
Donne's famous 'No man is an island' becomes even more relevant if you belong to the institution where I had the (mis)fortune to do my MBA from. Here, a (wo)man is definitely NOT an island. She is not even an archipelago or even a  nation , a continent, the world , the solar system. And blimey , she is not even the Milky Way. So, what is she? She is the universe itself , integrated in every matter , dark matter and dark energy. 

I know , what you'd ask next. 'Dude , cut the crap and tell us the real story.'

Well , there's  a Prelude to the story and that's probably even bigger than the story itself .

Let's begin ...

I used be a normal person once upon a time with normal dreams which were implanted in my brains in times when the only Christopher around was kept safely inside the flaps of our history text book. All those dreams used to hover around the word 'Money' and my folks back there at home knew only one route to direct me to that ultimate Moksha.

10th --> 12th --> Graduation --> MBA --> M

Though i didn't do anything exceptionally well in academics , I more or less followed this path and even  completed MBA from Wee Willie Winkie School of Management aka We and landed myself with an internship with Houyhnhnms Inc.  

Generally , every fairy tale ends with the princess being betrothed to the Mr Right. Thus a modern day fairy tale should end with the princess being employed to the dream Job , taking an one-sided vow to fulfill her duties in sickness and in health , in recession and in economic boom , in joy as well as in clinical depression till attrition do them part !

But my story starts after the end. When the friends and relatives were done with bestowing their blessings , when the induction honeymoon period was over , when initial awe over the amazing infrastructure was subdued , I suddenly found myself myself alone in my workspace with a plethora of mails flooding my outlook express. I was finally , officially a salary drawer. The entire office awaited like a virgin to be touched for the very first time by my footmarks . And then I opened my mails ! 

Well, what was told that I'd have to do during interviews had obviously no relation what so ever with what I actually was supposed to do. Basically my worked required doing things that any computer literate teen ager will be able to do. But then that's something which is inevitable in a job scenario. 

The actual problem started with my intention of looking for rationale behind doing menial tasks that were given to me. One suggestion if you want to prosper in a work environment STOP USING YOUR BRIAN. The organ that you'd need to use extensively in a job is your tongue  and even if you're a vegetarian and have never tested any animal-food before , be prepared to lick a lot of lather 'cause till today this is the only material that is used so extensively in footwear.And if you're from an Institute like Wee Willie Winkie School of Management, you must be prepared to see people will less educational qualification or intelligent quotient than you walking away with the M when all you'll get is just horse's fart. 

Anyway my lack of skill in both of these activities soon created a breach between me and my centaur (You'd probably have a mentor but this is Houyhnhnms for God's sake!). And then the unthinkable happened . I discovered that Wee Willie Winkie School of Management actually offers Student Warranty Scheme. There's a 24 hour helpline to reach out to the centaurs if any student-employee malfunctions in the organization. If there's any trace of over activity in the grey cells of any student-employee , there's a provision in which the centaurs can reach out to Wee Willie Winkie School of Management and  the institution will sing lullaby to the students to make their rebel grey cells fall asleep again. The student employee is also emphasized upon the point that an organization is like the land of the in-laws the kind you'd often find in an arranged marriage , the faithful wife aka the student employee should fulfill all the needs of her in-laws and if at all a divorce becomes inevitable , that should be discussed between the in-laws and her parents (Houyhnhnms  and Wee Willie Winkie School of Management respectively, in this case) and the wife herself will have no say in that matter even if the legal marriage certificate (offer letter) states otherwise. And also the student employee should also think of her actual parents and the trauma it'll cause to them if the embellished story of her non-performance reaches them. And what implication will it pose to her co-students , friends, well-wishers , her countrymen , the war worn middle east . the megalomaniac Uncle Sam, the dwarf planet Pluto , the milky way and the universe ?  After all an employee student is not just a person , there are so many stake-holders related to her! 

'What about the husband (Job)' , you might ask , 'Isn't HE the principal stakeholder?' . Well, in my case , he is the most irrelevant character of the entire story . So, that's how the WS^2 works, the three principal stakeholders being :1.(The employee student +The entire universe - The job),2. Houyhnhnms  3.Wee Willie Winkie School of Management.

Ingenious , isn't it? I am yet to find out the other provisions under this scheme but what an incredible combination of ancient Indian family system and modern Customer Relationship Management !

I urge every Management Institution and Organizations to enter into such a Memorandum of Understanding . And what about the student employee ? When was she ever relevant anyway !!! 

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

@ PGDM E-Biz 09-11, WeSchool Bangalore

I've a rather bad reputation for not being inclined to 'Hindi Songs'. But today , for the past one and a half hours, I am listening to a song by KK. It's called 'Yaaron Dosti'. It all started when, after ages, I logged on to my FB and started going through my old pics @ WeSchool.  It's been almost two years since I met you guys on 13th July 2009. These two years passed by as quickly as two hours and they left memories worth two lifetimes (And memories are all that we have cause I dont think WeSchool offered us anything amazing when it comes to professional value addition !).

Emotional humidity evoked by memories has some very weird principles. 
#1 : People can never truly understand it unless they were part of those memories at some point in their lives. I never understood what this hullabaloo over hostel life was all about until I came to Woodstock. 
#2: It makes us do irrational things like crying like a child or writing poems . 
#3: It makes us think that we can do the impossible. That's exactly what it is doing to me right now by provoking me to write this. This blog is just a vain endeavor to articulate some of the memories that are flashing against the giant screen of my memory.

It was one fateful Sunday afternoon in July when I came to that cockroach infested , toilet stenched D312 of Woodstock Ambience Pvt Ltd. Don't get me wrong. I loved that room. Probably even more than my current room , ie D206. That room was my first 'home away from home'. I'll never be able to forget it. Anyway,  I wasn't carrying a blazer that and so I had to meet the G-Sec. Somehow, when I heard the name Andrea D'Costa , I was expecting to see a delicate , svelte girl and no wonder I mistook Tuesy B as the G-Sec when I entered  Andrea and Gauri's room(These two were my 'room neighbors' BTW!)

Ravi was the first person who introduced himself to me when Professor Dr. Salunkhe gave us the clear instruction or rather command to call him 'Professor Dr.' Salunkhe !

We were given only half an hour to get ready for our fresher's party in Solitaire. I will never forget the weird dance steps of Captain Kanade unless I get affected by Alzheimer. It was on this day that Tuesy and a few of us discovered that Purvi was Mrs Purvi ! 

Remember HR class,  Mis Savitha and the weird groups . Remember the Elephants' team comprising of Andrea and Handa among others ? Remember Kaun Banega Crorpati where Big B's son was hosting the show and Jamil and not Jamal was the winner? Remember the six feet guy who climbed up the chairs to make Savita remeber his name? Remember the Skits? I still can feel the cold winds when I think of the skit practice sessions at poolside. 

It was made mandatory for us to obtain the messy food of basement mess. This is where we met Vishi and formed the Prameya team with Rashi , Glin , Amna and Priya B. And there was a huge controvery over Ritesh's poem on boys and especially girls of PGDM E-biz!

Remember the initial crushes ? Remember the lovestruck gals and boys?  Remember the friends who thought their friendship will last forever but who were wrong?

And then there were a few new faces who joined us. Dolly , Sarang , Dhrumin , Swamy sisters, Anshu , Sakshi. Both of the later two were supposed to be my roommate, but they ended up becoming each others roommate while I got a few more days to enjoy my newfound  solitude.

Independence day celebration was the first occasion where we successfully did something together. @ Ravi and Aditya : Remember the practice sessions of 'Assam se Gujrat tak?'

Then came our juniors . The PGDM 09-11 batch. I  finally had a roommate. Every one was scandalized at the possibility of a swine flu case in woodstock. Especially Gauri , who had a bad fever.

Remember Gauri's Schumacher speech ? Remember our stats prof and the chocolates? Remember Mangesh's protest at the live conference with Prpf. Dr. Salunkhe. I loved that . Proud of you , buddy. But , it made us compulsory for us to attend outbound and I had to cancel my flight ticket. 

@ Ritz, Abhi & other crew members : Remember Alta ki ek Dhar?  Ritech, Deshmukh : Loved all your parody songs buddies. Thanks for not writing one for me.

@ Shine, Rash , Manisha: Remember the Four Musketeers club ? The awesome 25th Dec and tour to Hoganakkal ? 

Remember how we all went to Rex on 1st Jan 2010 to watch Three Idiots ?

And then we're busy withing procuring our summers. This is the time when I played holi for the first time. 

One of the best part for me on first year was that I got to visit many places thanks to all these competitions !

As if it was only yesterday that we were preparing for our seniors' farewell . Now, it's time for our own. 

The second year was great but for me at least it was never as good as the first year. 

We all saw a lot of things in these two years. Friendship , love, heart-break , team spirit, PJs, Back stabbing, tears , laughter. 

This two years at woodstock was the first time I was staying away from my home , my parents. On 15th July 2009 , when I couldn't stop crying after my parents left for WB, Andrea sat beside me at bus and said one thing: 'We're your family here. We'd take care of you.' I truly felt that in each day of these two years. I had found friends here who were even closer than my family members. 

We live in a world where everything decays eventually. I don't expect that we'd remain best of friends even after parting from WeSchool. Probably distance will change a lot of things. Probably the best good friends well gradually grow apart. But these memories will stay on. So would all these photos(Unless there's some software compatibility issue or you're careless enough to lose your hard disc) . And probably , after 30 years , when we'll go through these memories , these silly snaps will make us have smile on our eyes. And in our darkest hours these memories will show us the way and comfort us with the sweet reassurance : 'All izz well'!
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