Thursday, December 31, 2009

Some insights into the year we'll be biding adeu 12 hours from hence

11.59 pm, 31st December 2009 

I am sitting underneath the blue sky sparkling with sunlight and hoping that I'll get enough inspiration to capture what the dying year had in store for me, into some tangible words. Capturing all those dreams , vulnerability , hopes, fear, excitement , love and disappointments and binding them by the shackle of words is no doubt a difficult and strenuous job... But nevertheless I'll try..Rather than classifying the year by months, I've decided to do it on the basis of the predominate emotions which reined my heart.. and what else should i talk about 1st but love.

In the beginning of year I was in love. That love shaped up my sanity as well as my insanity ; my hope and my fear; my passion and my devotion for nearly 2 years ... And now I am free ... Don't misunderstand me .. I am still in love, but with the emotion itself as i always were but never knew it .. A person like me can't live without the king of all emotions .. yah I rank love much higher than anything else, far higher than hatred or pain or fear ... I am sure any1 would do so if they had experienced it as deeply as i did , if they were bruised and wounded as badly as i did.. But those wounds shaped up my soul and made me what i am.. I am so grateful to this entity who made it possible for me to personify this emotion...And an incident this year made me realize that you can't grow out of love.. if u wanna escape from one form of it u must indulge in some other form .. So, I fell again , I am not sure whether it was true or not but definitely it was no where as powerful as my 1st encounter with love BUT it healed me from the major bruise and whatever side effect it caused was almost imperceptible for some1 like me who turned on the mode of self destruction from the minor age of 17!

The 2nd emotion is indifference .. I didn't mind when my best good friend & I kind of grew apart .. I saw the road .. the addictive path which summons you to break all barriers as well as attachments and run .. So, right now i dont have any home as such but ohhhh.. I have the road and the impetus to burn just to take rebirth like a pheonix ..

Am i happy? well, what does it mean anyway.. maybe i am .. may be i am not ..but at least i am not sad about it.. actually i dont give a damn .

Excitement.. It was the summer of 69.. I got a bunch of carefree and cool frnds( or rather class mates) and hell of a time... i can proudly say that  i had some time which any soul on earth would love to look back to.. but i dont want to.. and i pray may i never have to,,, may the path forward offer me so much more that i would never need to take consolation from memories .  

Cant say i learned many material things .. i mean my value addition from the MBA degree was almost nil but for some1 who has spent the 1st 20 years of her life under the vigilance of parents  in the same place where she came 3 months after her birth , a new city and the experience of being in such close proximity with friends had much knowledge to offer . 

Fear and trauma  were the emotions which dominated me through out the 1st half of the year and then i had my "Shawshank Redemption" .. but how i miss my best buddy from those prison days.. Antara .. whereever u are.. wish u a happy new year . 

Talking about things i miss, nandan and BCL rules the list and then my movie soulmate arijita but then thankfully we still can talk through internet ..  i do miss my parents but in my case distance helped to strengthen the love i felt for them.

Talking about my other relatives had  a rather topsy turvy relationship with my didibhai and jiju but all's well that ends well.

So, the new things i did in 2009 ?learned the word carpe diem from arijita and tried to follow its spirit,  got my 1st job (not considering that aviva thingy), tasted my 1st peg of alcohol , had my 1st night out party , travelled for the 1st time in the mobike of a complete stranger, travelled by plane, travelled all alone from bangalore to kolkata, went to mumbai for the 1st time that too alone ... so basically I found myself and i loved myself .. i always used to be a narcissist but now it's limitless and i am proud of that . . . 

Loss ? not much.. except the accumulated bulges (which i am determined to lose by Jan, '10 ) everything was pretty cool .. 

Resolutions? - none but i wanna stringently follow the divine principle called Carpe Diem - SEIZE D DAY!!!

WELCOME !@!)2010@)!) mater however sharp spear u've prepared to kill me, i am prepared to tackle u, BEWARE!!! 

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Food Diary

Got so depressed that ate all the 6 Five stars given by my secret santa :(

I've realized one thing for sure drugs like chocolates should be kept far away as possible from a junkie like me!

Post death Effect

30.12.2009; 4 pm

we were supposed to go and watch 3 idiots 2day but due to the death of certain Kannad Actor named Vishnubardhan, the entire city was reined by chaos and we're still incarcerated inside the  classroom.. We got our secret santa gifts 2day.. I got 1 mobile pack full of chocolates from Mr Tiwari .. So, at least spending the times under the imprisonment wont be that bad :)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Confessions of a Foodaholic

12.45 pm , 29th Dec
Calorie Consumed as of now- 1590
Calorie allowed / day- 1150

Somebody(Especially u , arijita) please kill me.. Just had 1 smoothie ( which consisted of high calorie fruits, cream, ice cream and honey), 1 jumbo Paneer paratha , half of aloo paratha, mango ice cream  and 3 cups of mayonnaise..why am I doing these to myself? I am killing myself softly...And the venom is coming in the guise of delicious delicacies ... No point continuing like this.. even the warning sign in my desktop sighting my current picture against that of 6 months ago couldn't give me the necessary self restraints. When lunchtime comes,I must turn into a 21st century female version of Odysseus and tie myself up with the chair so that I can escape the magnetic song (smell) of dangerous Sirens (High calorie unhygienic foods )...!!! 

On a serious note can any1 please suggest how can i save myself from myself?  I hate to look at the mirror now-a-days and you can't imagine how painful is it for some1 like me who used to be calorie conscious like a maniac. Worst phase is the guilt you feel after swallowing the food, it's like having an extra marital affair ... It's  a vicious cycle cause after having the food I feel so depressed about my failure that I take food again to escape from the excruciating pang of conciousness.. 

I know i must get rid of this obsession but i don't know how... May be i should go to some sort of congregations of food maniacs or something.. unfortunately in India, compulsive overeating is not considered to be a disease .. Actually I might be the 1st one to start a rehab for such's quite a fascinating business idea..Don't u think so? 

I must not have dinner (or any firm of food) 2day.. I've already crossed the limit of  my allowed calorie / day.. will get back to u tomorrow with further details. 


A new day has come

Tuesday , 29th Dec; 08:29 am 

 Location :  Bengaluru , Karnataka: Temperature :- 22*C, Weather :- Misty and Cloudy

Location : Howrah , WB ; Temperature :- 8*C, Weather :- Clear Sky , No forecast of cloud 

Additional Information :- 

Weight of the Sample:- 59.5 Kg
Total Consumption of Food Since yesterday :- Exorbitant amount of brown bread, butter, milk , jam, boiled egg, tea, coffee , Poha, Corn Flakes and nariel paani .

Status of Operation Dieting :- Super Failure.

Pocket news :- d word DEBT DEBT DEBT is vibrating so franticly that it could stop any normal human being's lub dub ...  

Pocket Forecast:- More exposure to DEBT as the sample is scheduled to watch 3 idiots 2morrow (I wonder why is she spending Rs 150 on a  stupid movie instead of staying @ room and gazing at the biggest idiot of them all in the mirror !!!

All these grave facts are gloomy enough to drive any normal person insane if the aforementioned sample was the normal person herself. But we're dealing with the most insane human on world(or may be a na'bi impersonating a human , sometimes the way she falls asleep so often and so easily, evokes the scepticism of that ) and thus the rules of normalcy doesn't apply on her.

Yah . I am talking about myself . I don't know why but i am feeling very happy from the inception of this neophyte day. The damp weather has failed to affect the flame of excitement inside me and even the horrible practical joke that we've OR test today left me completely unperturbed. Funny that i am writing 2 blogs on 2 consecutive days. I know i never keep my own promises to myself,BUT I'd try and write  at least my dietary diary here in a kind of "Bridget Jones goes LIVE" way. At least the same of admitting all those gory sins will resolve me from accumulating extra bulges or so I think and hope !!!

Slight deviation, I finished reading the twilight saga yesterday. Well not exactly , I was so bored while reading the last book ie "breaking dawn" that I had to skip a few( nearly 300) pages and read the concluding chapter. This woman Stephanie Meyer is the goddess of teen age psychology . The saga depicts the ultimate girl fantasies ... wanna know how? check out these insights.

*Bella has the two most perfect lovers of the world ... One Edward whose age was forever frozen at 17, is , actually 150 years old. Is Bella the modern day Electra? You decide . Another, Jacob, is the ultimate wild guy with whom Bella happened to have a brief encounter for about an year or so when Edward came back to reclaim his position with the latest model of missile proof Mercedes!!

*Bella's pregnancy lasted only for a month and just a minute after the delivery she was turned into a beautiful vampire(ie no post pregnancy trauma or cellulite) who had all the pros of vampire life ie eternal life, breathtaking beauty and inhuman(ofcourse, she's a vampire r8?!) strength and indestructible skin minus the (only) con ie thirst for human blood.

*A mediocre girl throughout her life suddenly turns into a super achiever , a "one of a kind" in her vampire life.

*Age forever frozen  at 18 (as she was transformed 3 days prior to her birthday) .. Remember Bryan Adams ?

So, in the end Ms Rowling and Ms Meyer are merely wwwwwonderful market researcher and nowhere near my ultimate hero of phantasmagoric world - J R R Tolkien . His creation is the "One BOOK to rule them all, One BOOK to find them,One BOOK to bring them all and in the darkness bind them"

But for one single reason I Can empathise with the vampire world created by Ms Meyer . Their thirst for blood and their struggle to put a rein on it reminds me of my carb craving ... Ohhh...why don't a have super restraint power like Bella??!! 

The class is about to start so I must go now but I'd soon be back with my Hoganikkal Stories and  the SUCCESS stories (and for that I need your ardent praying ) of avoiding the carb craving and follwing the diet!!!

PS:- the sun is peeping out of the blanket of clouds ... Hope it'll wake up soon!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Carpe-Diem------ Seize d Day

The morning of 28th December can't get gloomier than this. It's 8.30 in the morning and the sun has hidden her face inside a thick quilt of cloud and fog. There's no sign that she might wake up any time soon. Blame it on my post "Breaking Dawn" effect but I've a queer feeling that lots of vampires will be, ARE roaming  around Bangalore to take the full advantage of such a day. On any other day they'd have succeeded to suck all the happiness out of me (wait a second , that's the job of dementors , r8? NOT vampires , but then who can say for sure that there aint a mixed breed ?!) but today my happiness is overflowing like the water of India. No soul or soulless being in heaven or earth Horatio would dare attack me. Why? Well  lemme give u a brief story of the past few days starting from 24th. 

24th in college we arranged the game of secret santa and I was elated to find out that I am the secret santa of a girl i really  adore and bought some gift worth Rs 200!!! Way too unexpected from  a person as parsimonious as me. Then I'd to stay back at college till 5.30 from that blatted  German internship interview thingy which i messed up in my own sweet style and let ritesh do all the talking. My mind was anywhere but in the projecter telecasting the VC, i wanted to get out of college and njoy christmas eve. And then when i actually got the chance to escape i was not walking, i was floating. Even the dull red volvo seemed to be a sleigh and the ordinary human driver- red nosed Rudolf. I even paid the fare of Ritesh , can u swallow that? 
Worse? After getting back to hostel , the sight of my extra 6 kilos (ok ok 7.5, i m not gonna lie here) didn't quite dissuade me from wearing one of my favorite dresses and we (me , rash, shine and manisha; who joined from near Forum) headed towards St patrick's church. When we finally went there I couldn't but compare it with St Paul's Cathedral and was a bit disappointed. We were told that the crowd wont come before 10 so we decided to have our dinner and I guiltily admit that we went to Pizza hut and i shew no restrain in my dietary habit. But I must do something to reduce these bulges even if that means starving myself to unconsciousness . I paid Rs928 bill and of course others returned their share to me ( come on, I can't be THAT generous ) . Brigade road was looking like  a dreamland. I thought i would be the only person to buy  santa cap but it turned out to be that many people were as insane as me. Thank sweet Jesus for that. W/o insanities like these there will be no  point of our existence. After having the food we did some window shopping only to feel more depressed about my weight and then finally reached St patrick's . The main Church gate wasn't open so we did some photo shoot in the premises and finally entered the church. seating  and live videostreatimg  arrangements were made in the premises as well but we were lucky enough to find a seat inside the church. Rashi and Manisha started tp criticize the unsophisticated  rustic rituals of their religions and I, being the atheist of the group and having the same share of aversion towards all religions kept mumb. Now, u might ask why , being an atheist , I went to attend the mass? Well, i went to behold the people ,  witness the culture and I swear my experience was enriching . When the carols finally started, i and manisha started singing along with them w/o having heard most of the songs before. But there was a distinct pattern which applied to all of them.  The crowd represented the spirit of India. There were ultra sophisticated high society ladies and lords as  well people from the upper part of the bottom of pyramid. A few Caucasian as well as black (no offence intended, just can't find a substitute ) foreigners were also there and I couldn't decipher from which part of the world were they from. While the carol part was really interesting the speach of the priest ( some1 who came to the church just for that day) was so  boring that i was having deja vu of classroom all over again. But the final speach by the indigenous priest was interesting and thankfully short. I wonder why non Catholics are not allowed to take communion .. Must do some R&D about it. When only Shine went forward and take it a lady actually asked me- "u are not catholic?" .. well I am . I thought . One of the biggest catholics in my tastes, thought process and action !! It was good to see people hugging each other and saying merry christmas post midnight mass . We did our own share of hugging and then took an auto to woodstock by paying 200 bucks. Due to the unavailability of any open store , my brilliant plans of  having ice cream had to be cancelled . THANKFULLY!! or else i dont know how many more cellulite would i have accumulated. 

Next day 25th, we were supposed to wake up at 7.30 . I did and found out that the  myth that Bengalies have problems with punctuality doesn't apply here .. My friends woke up at around 10.30 and then till 1 pm we'd bizarre and funny discussions  about having a post christmas short escape to the lap of nature. After considering Mysore and Mangalore , we narrowed  it down to hoganikkal and exhausted with that  superhuman activity of our grey cells , we decided to refill ourself with food and went to M G road in search of it. There i had the worst lunch of my short life by wasting Rs 120( blame it on Hotel empire and I Warn u if u ever go to church st, avoid that restaurant like plague) . Actually it was supposed to be  a buffet and it turned out to be a thali. I felt really bad about it throughout the day and taking dinner was out of question when u had a terrible lunch at 4pm. Then we went to a food mall and bought some groceries to make reth churel (sandwich , silly!) . I came back and was engrossed once again in Stephanie Meyer. Then while checking my mail , i was transfixed to find my sister's mail there and I guess the surprised exhausted me and I went asleep with the lapie still switched on and woke up at 4.30 am to find out that I had 13 missed calls from mom. 

The Hoganikkal trip deserves  a detailed separate discussion so I'd bid adeu to u guys now.

There was an error in this gadget