Confessions and Confusions of a Narcissist !!!

Why do we say TGIF?? Why thanking only God? We should also thank Satan and all the creature in Hell Heaven and Earth, Horatio! With the dull Friday afternoon quickly coming to and end, another Week-end is approaching .. While for you, this weekend is another insignificant one in the march of many such other weekends, for me it's kinda special . You see , it's the last weekend of the 20th year of my nascent life. Now, I am the kind of person who loves to celebrate her birthday.. I am sure even when i'll turn 90 , I'd expect all my friends to arrange for a grand big cake for me and even if i suffer from diabetes mellitus and haven't left with a single teeth , I'd surely find out some ways to smuggle some portion of it inside my mouth!


Anyway , as i was saying , this week end is a bit special for me and thus I have no intention of spending it sleeping at my room , watching movies or brooding at some gothic looking bridge on the river Mutha. Whatever I do this weekend has to have a legendary flavour about it... But i dont wanna plan anything , cause my system has some rivalry with anything which is , well, systematic ! Thus, I'll start thinking about it only after Midnight ... May be , I'd just go to the station and be on board  a train w/o having any idea regarding where it goes to! But then even though it sounds interesting , somehow it ranks way beneath the legendary category : to be in that one, I need to come up with something insanely intriguing... I wish I just could go to the Pacific and swim with the dolphins where the water is as deep as forever.. But on the other hand i am not sure whether there is any dolphin in the pacific , especially post the BP oil leak ... And also it'd be prudent to come up with a more economic solution... I've already been invited to a friend's place this saturday to freak out and party all night ... But then, I met her only in the previous week in the parikrama concert I wrote about and thus I surmise I might trespass into her gregariousness if i accept her invitation .. but then i never thought much b4 doing something thus I might go but i dont want to ... Even if I end up doing the ordinary things this week-end, I wanna do them in an extra ordinary circumstances , ie even if i want to have a all night movie marathon , I just want it to be arranged in a spooky 17th century house instead of a normal modern day cage like flats... But enough blabbering about non existent plans.


Let me now tell me about a caprice of mine which led me to an Archies Gallery.  But before that I shamefully admit that I was again feeling low yesterday... I was missing my mom and yet when i called her , i could not articulate my feelings and the frustration thus generated bred into an altercation ... And after a long stretch of wandering alone underneath the Deccan Bridge ,  I was approached by a Lady and the conversation with her and her 2 kids was  a salvation for my soul.. Even though she talked to me in Marathi and I replied in English and my reply most probably didn't match her questions , I felt awfully good  about the mere flow of words with another human being despite the fact that she was a complete stranger. Next , I went to Cafe Good luck which being overcrowded, I consumed some pasta salad salad(which followed by a grand meal KFC an hour later, I must control my glutton in some way!)   in a cosy nice roadside cafe and while walking aimlessly in the road (as usual) , glanced upon this Archies Store and I immediately knew I needed to buy some cards... Now, some of you might argue against my predilection towards greeting cards.. "After all how can a mass produced line written by a stranger can be used as a greeting to some1 special ?" you'd say. You are right and maybe that's the reason why traditional cards are fighting a losing battle against customised ones (or even SMSes  !!!)  but yet sometimes we do feel like being subjugated by the bourgeois norms of the society. Thus I went inside the shop and searched for a card for my special one. Now, there were specially made cards for almost everyone: nephew, niece, brother, uncle, husband , wife , mom , dad, all the pet species starting from dog & fish to boyfriend , girlfriend &  fiancée and YET ; they somehow astoundingly forgot or ignored to keep / make cards for the most special person of any living soul's life. Yes . I am talking about the lack of cards you can dedicate to yourself . Why can't there be any cards like :" Dear ME, wish u a very happy 21st birthday !".. Why narcissism till now remains a rather tabooed trait in our society while most of us have our own share of it? Or are we too afraid to admit that we love ourselves in the fear of being considered as some poor lonely souls admired and loved by no1 else ! Isn't it the other way round? Doesn't  life become even more brighter for us when we learn to depend on ourselves ?




So, that's the food for thought for your week-end and with this I'd sign off for now .. Hopefully there'd be another post before I turn 21!


PS: I finally bought a normal 21st birthday wish kind of card ,,, will upload the snaps of it in this space once I've gifted it to myself adding a personal note underneath all the babbling written inside it!

Some Gibberish

Haven't written anything for quite a long time;  wouldn't have even written anything 2day hadn't one of my friends enquired about my blog...  Many news are pending from my side, including my Pune sightseeing which included tour to Parvati Temple & Chatursinghi Temple ; both of which are situated on top of hills and while exploring the 2nd one I actually climbed up the hill wearing a stiletto and I must admit it was heck of a task!!!  Then on this Sunday, post the chaturshinghi tour , I visited Shaniwarvada and simply hated the place. . . However , the Laxmi road tour followed by it was  quite interesting but all these are nothing compared to the monsoon of madness which flooded away my sanity on this Saturday. 


On Friday night , Manpreet gave me a lift at good-luck cafe and after she was gone, I was roaming around like a lost soul in the streets and a most miraculous thing happened . Some people probably took pity on me and handed over a concert ticket for Mtv Stuntmania Rockathon where the rock band named Parikrama was supposed to perform. So, Next day I went office at around 11.30 am (my reporting time is 9.30am ) and left for lunch at 1pm and after coming back went directly to the director's room to ask for an early leave.. Frankly speaking, i'd not have even done that hadn't my other sincere colleagues looked so scandalized at the mere thought of me eloping with my caprice w/o informing any1! The directer obviously  looked thunder struck when i informed me about the concert ( I could have come up with some other excuses but i was simply sick of all these insignificant lies) , and he said in an ominous voice :" Do as u wish." Now I interpreted that as :" Yes sure, you can leave" ( Afterall your job is just a mean to sustain in life .. What's the point of a job when is the "life" itself is missing from ur life?!) and I left immediately and for the 1st time met one gregarious Puneite. I merely asked this lady for the direction of Katraj and she actually gave me  a lift there. In the way we had  a rather amusing discussion about the matching sunshine of me and her 11 months old son and I must confess I never knew so much about my zodiac characteristics as I came to know from her in only 20 mins. And after reaching the venue I had this irresistible urge to embarrass myself and thus actually I got up in the stage in front of some 500 + boys and girls and danced with the tune of Akon. Then , four local rock bands came and made us write a paper on patience before finally Parikrama came on stage at around 8.30 pm (oh BTW, I'd reached there by 3 pm!)... I still wonder why they considered Led Zeppelin as the greatest psychedelic rock band ever , but the fusion that followed this statement was really awesome . I came back around 11.30 and when my land-lady asked the reasons for being late , I simply pointed out that the night was still young and left her dumbstruck.




Well enough of information .. Let's discuss some insights now. My life in pune has been a weird combination of emotional troughs& crests... I hate my job: My nature is that if i get frustrated with something , it becomes impossible for me to concentrate on that ... & i simply hate the method with which I've been asked to approach the project .. I simply hate the PG and the body-odour of my roommates. If I had to choose between a dumb brute and another who smells bad I'd probably chose the former. But I don't have much of  achoice . Coz , my room mates carry both these qualities! So, I basically run away from the PG in the morning and stay out as late as possible and sometimes I feel terribly lonely and then I become angry with myself for not being able to be self contained...  But then in some moments I feel so happy with my life, like for example in the concert, i felt like i was in the top of the world. I never really got much chances to be a normal 20 years old. In my home , I was surrounded by people far older than me. When i was 5, my best friend was a 17 year old young lady . Thus I grew up to be a rather precocious child. But on saturday night i just felt like shedding all that burden of maturity off and just indulge in the sheer spirit of youth and its insane enthusiasm . And i loved to be around people whom I'd hang out with in normal scenario ! It feels good if u just realize how young you are. You suddenly see a whole lot of possibility lying in front u. Remeber the famous dialogue from Shirley Valentine? "From now on whenever i'd look at the mirror , I'd never say : Oh God.. I am 45; instead I'd say : Oh Shirley , you are ONLY 45!"  


So, when i was standing at Deccan bus stop yesterday I did some really lght hearted thinking about my life. And I discovered that I can claim to have some dexterity in sketching , singing and even though I can never express what i actually think, I can at least give it a try. And I love listening to music , reading , swimming and contemplating . That leaves me with a world full of things I am either NOT good at or have not learnt to love. What's the point of wasting time in brooding over some incidents or some persons when u've so much to do with the limited time you have in hand. So, from now on whenever I feel like brooding , I'd rather do something crazy , this world is in dire need of some sincere madness and I'll try my best to provide my share :)




PS. I discovered the kingdom of Narnia at the backside of my PG. On sunday morn at around 5, I got too bugged with the cackling and racket of my room mates and thus I got out of the bed, put on my sneakers and hit the road w/o even bothering to brush my teeth or change my night suit! There is this slum in the backyard of our PG and it's located in a small hill (not exactly a hill but well, one might say that the slope of the place was a bit higher than the normal slop of plains) , I've no idea what whim drove me there but i went inside and after reaching the other side of the slum, I discovered a wonder land called Vetal hills (I didn't knew the name then though, i found it later from google maps !) which is far better than any of the conventional tourist spots simply by virtue of being unexplored by the hoi polloi and thus it is still now unscathed of the bane of  pollution and plastics. From now on whenever i'd feel like taking a short escape I know a wonderland which is just 18 mins away from the stinking PG of mine... So, in the end I guess all those room mates of mine whom i hate so much deserve a gregarious thanks from me. Hadn't it been for them, I'd never discover that secret wardrobe :)